||[Feb. 9th, 2011|01:41 pm]
i was fine earlier. i was fine and delicious. now im a little creepy and i hate being here. theres ice on the ground and beneath that is where i should be. crisp daisies fall dead, but i just fall away disrespectfully, like im sixteen again and have yet to meet the love of my life.
i still shut down instead of standing up and being strong. im my mother. i hate being her. here. there. im uncomfortable under the most perfect sheets ever made. i woke in a cold sweat last night and wiped it away in a sort of unconscious frustration. im too young to be this old and too old to still be so young.
i keep telling myself i can go there anytime i want... but she cleans up after me and gets so angry when i leave a trail. i get confused and cant remember where i was. where i left off. how i got there to begin with.
emma's sweet stinky kisses are the closest thing to where im from.
maybe i just hate winter. i have four hours to collect myself and my trail and feel something deep.